I was reading the Beth Moore blog today. I read it religiously. She had posted two questions for her readers to answer. The first one had to do with the spiritual bondage that threatens you the most, and the second was about the greatest obstacle to freedom from that bondage. I usually don’t reply to things like that because there are so many other women on those boards, but I always enjoying reading the responses. The responses I read today were a bit overwhelming. They were so sad. So frustrated. So hopeless. You could almost sense the brokenness pouring out from the hearts of anonymous writers. Over and over again, women responded concerning issues related to addiction, marital dissatisfaction, pride, self-image, eating issues, sexual perversions…the list went on and on and on. There was some really deep stuff on the list, some intensely shameful sin and some incredibly faulty thinking.
I couldn’t help but wonder how many of those women were being honest about their sin and bondage for the first time. Some of them even mentioned it in their post. It was the first time they had ever dared to admit it or verbalize (through font, of course) their shame and struggle. In the required anonymity of the response, they were admitting things so deep and so consuming that they had never dared to share it with anyone else before. They were so ashamed.
It got me thinking about shame. It is so consuming. In my darkest and most vulnerable moments, I have literally hidden under the covers of my bed to hide from shame. I can almost relive those moments if I think about them too long. My chest tightens and my face gets flushed even at the thought. Undoubtedly, it is so easy to assume that no one else in the world could handle my darkest shame. I must be worse off. I must have bigger issues. I have good reason to take on a heaping portion of shame.
We believe such lies. I was so reminded by the honest answers today that we are all dark. We all have issues. We all have major sin in our lives. And we walk around, carrying the dark secrets inside of us, hoping that no one will see our worst. We are so ashamed, and we carry our shame day in and day out all because we believe the lie that no one else is dark or shameful. We worry about the exposure of our darkest secrets because we fear that we might find out that we really are the worst off and really are the most shameful.
Psalm 34:5 says, “Those who look to Him are radiant. Their faces shall never hide in shame.” What would happen if we refused to be bound to shame? What would we do if we weren’t so fearful of people finding out our deepest secrets? What would happen if we risked authentic confession within the boundaries of Christian community? Could we do it? Or are we too ashamed? Will we refuse the radiance that our Keeper offers us?
How did I not know that you were a blogger? Way to go. I’ll be back.