Ice, perfection, and rest.

Update from yesterday’s icy stairs incident: Mozart was so alarmed at my fall yesterday that I have had to carry him down the stairs all day today. He refuses to go down on his own. And, I have several softball-sized bruises. Unfortunately, I can’t show them to anyone, so there will be no bragging rights this time around. 

Our offices closed today for the winter weather. I hoped to get a ton of stuff done with my day off, but alas, it didn’t happen. I was in weekend mode, and I just couldn’t get productive. I did finish reading a book (The Shack  – a novel with some strong theological teachings – I recommend it). I also wrote half of the paper I have due this weekend. And I took a nap. But that was all. I had an entire day to be productive, and somehow I managed to waste 90% of it.  

Once upon a time (last year and all years prior), I was a total perfectionist. School, work, religion – you name it, I was going to master it. I was involved in more activities than could possibly fit into one person’s schedule, and I was determined to do it all with excellence. I was not satisfied unless I was stressed out with an overloaded plate.  I didn’t say no to anything, and I never felt content with any achievement. I was driven.  I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t a very healthy perfectionist. I was too driven. Too involved. Too perfectionistic.  I was constantly stressed, never satisfied, and always unfulfilled.

Then, at about this time last year, I was forced to slow down. I graduated from school and was back home looking for a job. I was waiting for direction from the Lord, and in the mean time, I could commit to nothing. I felt like such a wanderer, aimless without a thousand tasks on my to-do list. God let that waiting period last for FOREVER (okay, it was only a few months…but seemed like eternity). In the process of waiting, though, I learned that I like to relax. I like balance. I like to work hard and play hard. I liked the way my life looked without all the drive and perfectionism. I was more satisfied with the things I did accomplish, and I learned to love the moments of rest in my schedule.

If today’s ice day had happened a year ago, I might have had a panic attack. I have a trillion things to do for Quest, more homework and reading than I know what to do with, and an apartment that is in desperate need of a good cleaning. And I wasted most of the day. If this had been last year, I might have gotten everything on my list done today…But, that isn’t me anymore. God has taught me to love and value balance in every area of my life, and I have so loved an ice day to waste away in the freedom I have come to cherish.

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