I just don’t even know where to start.
Which is the exact reason for why I’ve been missing for blog-world for two weeks.
It’s been a pretty crazy few weeks for me. First, finals…and deadlines that were barely made. Next, Winter Camp…and the post-weekend recovery coma. Then, home to TN for a wedding and a whirlwind family visit. Now, starting a new class and wondering whether or not I should get my hopes up about this nice weather outside. Chaos. Managable chaos…and total exhaustion.
And even though I should have closed my laptop and gone to bed at least an hour ago, I’m just sitting in my room, trying to make some semblance of organization with the thoughts swirling around in my head right now.
I just feel like I’m missing it sometimes.
Like right now.
What am I doing with my days?
I’ve had this nagging feeling for the past couple of days that I am really missing out on a lot of the depth of abundance that is offered freely to me. I’m living where I want to live. I’m doing the job I want to do. I’m getting closer and closer to finishing this degree. I am figuring out a new season of life one day at a time. And I’m completely missing the deeper possibilities that flow in and out of every day.
Do you know that floating feeling? That feeling when you realize that you’ve really sunk into a mind-numbing routine, when you are just floating through life at random? Go to work. Come home and crash. Sleep. Go to work. Socialize. Come home and sleep. Go to church. Go to work. Come home. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
It’s all fine and well. Nothing is up or down or right or wrong. It just is. And in the midst of floating through day after day of shallow life, I feel like I’m missing the depth of relationship and joy and abundance that God so greatly desires to give me. Like I’m living in His will but not in His fullness. You know?
I want the fullness. I want more. I want more in my relationship with the Lord. More in my ministry. More in my community.
And I’m thinking it’s going to take some tangible changes for that stuff to happen.
More tomorrow. And more this weekend. Hopefully, I’ll have some new pictures up from the past few weeks soon.
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