Sometimes I’m so grateful I don’t know what to do with myself.
True story.
This morning, as I sat in my silent living room drinking coffee and journaling, I literally looked out the window and smiled so big I thought my face would freeze. I must have looked like a four year old in the aisles of ToysRUs. I literally sat there smiling until I realized what I was doing and laughed at myself. There wasn’t, at that moment, a real reason to smile. I just am so grateful sometimes that I don’t know what else to do.
I still cannot believe that I am here. I keep wondering when the adrenaline is going to wear off or when I’m going to find the big catch in all of this. I keep expecting something terribly discouraging to happen or to have a bad day that seems overwhelming. And I know that those things will come eventually- it’s an inevitable part of life – but for now, I am still completely overwhelmed at the way 2008 is ending for me.
This week marks one year since I started my blog. My first post was related to the title of my blog – Living the Questions. I know it’s not very original, but it just seems like the only way to accurately describe my life. I live questions. I really do. Day-in and day-out, over and over again, in my journal, with my peers, in my silent thoughts when no one else is around…I live questions. Everything in my life is a giant question mark. And I think it always will be. And I’m okay with that most of the time.
If you’ll glance back at my first post, however, I think you’ll see why I smiled like a four year old this morning. It’s crazy to think of the questions, the struggle, the uncertainty, and the waiting that have happened in the past twelve months. And it’s even crazier to think that one year ago this week, I was living the questions that are being answered in my life right now.
And I just caught myself smiling all over again.
I’m so grateful for the journey, the questions, and the way, without realizing it, I am living into the answers.
And I absolutely cannot wait to experience the questions, struggles, uncertainty, waiting, and answers that are yet to be seen in another year of blogging.
i am smiling too just reading this!